Harry Potter: An Absence of Life

[papered.livejournal.com]

Title: An Absence of Life
Author: liz038
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: None
Rating: PG
Word Count: 700
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling is a literary goddess, and I'm simply a fangirl playing with her characters.
Summary: Snape contemplates his life and the could-have-beens a decade after Voldemort's death.
Warnings: Somewhat depressing, but nothing major.
Notes: XD During an msn convo with shanghai_rose, I was persuaded to write again.


"You imbecile! Can you not read simple instructions, Potter? 20 points from Gryffindor for you abysmal behavior."

As the last of the students for the day left the classroom, eager to get away from the ill-tempered Potions Master, Severus Snape turned and incanted the spell that would cause the hidden door to his quarters to appear. Sighing, he moved into the bedroom and sat down heavily on his bed. His joints creaked slightly as he moved, causing his expression to draw together in a wince.

It had been ten years since Voldemort had been defeated, yet for Severus Snape, at least, life was still the same. It was true, he didn’t have Voldemort to serve anymore, but at the same time, he still had Dumbledore. Dumbledore was a benevolent master, yes, but a master nonetheless. He might seem kinder, with his constant offerings of tea and lemon drops, but whatever he said, Severus would do. And for him, that defined a master.

And now, ten years later, nothing had changed. Harry Potter was gone, yes, marrying the youngest Weasley and moving on to become the world-famous Auror he’d always strived to be. And Granger had married Weasley, going off to university, while Weasley followed his father’s footsteps into the Ministry. Life was different for some, but for Severus Snape, who lived within the walls of Hogwarts, everything was the same. The next generation was back, bringing a new James Potter and a gaggle of Weasleys.

Severus let out a sigh as he examined his features in the mirror across from his bed. Expanses of sallow skin and a sharp hooked nose looked back at him, piercing black eyes emphasizing his sharp features. Greasy hair hung limply by his face, contrasting with his skin. It had been over 25 years since he’d had any kind of partner, and even then, it had mostly been fellow Death Eaters.

At some point, perhaps, when he had been young and foolish, he’d longed for love. Seeing James Potter marry the stunning Lily Evans, or Lucius Malfoy date Narcissa Black, or even the relationship between Frank Longbottom and Alice Idyl -- had given him some hope that perhaps, someday, he’d have that kind of intimacy in his life. But as he’s grown up, and gotten shunned, time and time again, for his distinct features, his intolerable personality, his hopes had died, little by little.

And now, here he was, alone, while everyone else went on with their merry lives. He was nearly fifty years of age, and looking back, he laughed at himself for his foolishness when he was younger – his naivety. There were times when he almost longed to have that innocence back, but then he would remember that even at age 16, Severus Snape had never been innocent. His world had been tainted with the darkness that he’d grown up with, the darkness that still resided within him. And yet -- somehow, a part of him still clung to the hope that one day, he would find what he longed for in life. A partner, someone he could trust, and spend the rest of his life with.

Severus let out a choked sound, somewhere between a laugh and a sob, as he turned his thoughts away from the direction it was going. The part of him that hoped, and wished, he knew, would always be crushed by the cold, harsh world in the end. If people could hear him now – even the students would laugh at his foolish thoughts. Love? Ha. Severus Snape would be alone until the end of his days, and that was simply a fact of life. And happiness? For him, it would merely be a lack of unhappy. His world was grey, and the most of he could do was reside in it. His happiness would never come into play.

Severus pulled off his outer robes as he left his bedroom, going into his meal room to take his evening dinner. Tomorrow, he would have to go out and face the world again, but tonight – tonight, he would allow himself to wallow in his self pity.

Somewhere in the distance, a wolf howled in mourning.

And life went on.


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