DBSK: lost and found

[papered.livejournal.com]

lost and found
dbsk: jaejoong, jaeho, homin
g, 1120 words
shim changmin, they tell him. he’s the one who donated your heart – you’re a very lucky young man, mr. kim.

a/n: for people on my flist who wanted jaejoong/yunho. I have no idea how this plotline came about + am disatisfied with many things, but I seem to have lost all perspective on this, so um. hopefully characterization isn't completely off or anything. ): ALSO I should be studying. :">

destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice;
it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.
- william jennings bryan



twenty-one days later, jaejoong finds him.

he finds him in that café (and everything is the same, from the huge lineup at the counter to tokyo tower framing the windows), sipping away at a coffee with fingers tapping absentmindedly at the side of the table, and something about the sight of the figure sends his heart skittering. jaejoong has never met this man before, has never even seen him outside of fragmented dreams – except.

except it feels like he has, like he’d spent a lifetime with this familiar stranger. it feels like jaejoong knows everything there is to know about him (just like he knows without checking that that coffee the other is drinking had been made with two sugars and a dash of milk, no cream).

the other man chooses that moment to look up, and their eyes suddenly meet.

I know you, don’t I? that gaze asks.

jaejoong goes up to him, knees feeling like jello, and tries to smile. it comes out more easily than he’d expected, and so he plows on forward. hi, he says, followed by I think you’re the one. pause, swallow. an outstretched hand.

I’m kim jaejoong.



~













shim changmin, they tell him. he’s the one who donated your heart – you’re a very lucky young man, mr. kim.

except lucky isn’t quite the right word. of course, jaejoong’s grateful to be alive even if it’s only because of another tragic accident (there had been a hit-and-run, the nurses tell him. they’d tried, but even doctors couldn’t work miracles. only twenty, and such a bright boy too - what a pity.) but. jaejoong knows that something’s not right.

he wakes in the middle of the night (every night) with tears on his cheeks without knowing why, mind a myriad of dark hair and wide smiles and a name he doesn’t remember dying on his lips. it feels like he’d been out all night running a marathon.

it’s like heartache without falling in love, like he’s missing a piece of himself even if the doctors tell him he’s physically fine.

lucky, jaejoong thinks, shouldn’t hurt this much.



~



the logical, rational part of his brain tells him that this is ridiculous. things like this just doesn’t happen – if it did, it would be all over the medical journals by now.

this isn’t real, he thinks to himself, fingers gripping the sheets when he wakes up to the still-dark sky drenched in sweat. he’s not real. you’re going to get past this. he can do this, he knows it. jaejoong is nothing if not determined.

except.

he’d never really been the logical or rational sort to begin with – he’d always had too many dreams (of being famous, of falling in love) for that. jaejoong might be strong in the face of adversity, but not against his own heart, not when every part of him is screaming for him to hold on to this one thing.



the marble of the headstone is cold against his fingertips. why did you save me, he wonders.



~



hey, yoochun asks the third time he comes to visit and finds jaejoong crumpled in bed with red-rimmed eyes. joongie, what’s wrong?

nothing, I’m fine.

at the obvious lie, yoochun settles himself onto the bed and gathers jaejoong in his arms. hey hey, look at me. soulmates, remember? you know you can tell me anything.

just yoochun’s presence is enough to send his eyes prickling but jaejoong holds the tears at bay.

chunnie, I’m dying, he says instead. I’m dying of a broken heart.



~



(changmin-ah, yunho says, the name like a prayer on his lips, but changmin just smiles (that carefree smile that stole yunho’s breath and conquered his heart) and tells him, hyung, I want you to be happy.)



~



he dreams again that night, just like he does every night.

except this time, it’s different. whereas before, all he could recall when he woke was that single face and a frustrating lack of context or background, this time, he remembers.

he remembers, remembers everything from the bustling café to the man sipping coffee in the corner. for once, every detail is crisp in his mind, like a movie playing in his head, and jaejoong can’t help but think it feels more like a memory than a dream.



you know what you have to do, yoochun says, a cigarette between his fingers as the two of them stand pressed side-to-side on the balcony.

what do you mean, jaejoong asks (even if he thinks he knows, even if he just doesn’t want to admit it yet). he’s standing barefoot, and the morning wind feels cool against his toes.

you’re going to regret this forever if you don’t, joongie. yoochun throws an arm around his shoulder, pulling them even closer. you know it too.

but I don’t even know where he is.

when it’s time, you’ll know, here, yoochun says, and presses a hand over the left side of jaejoong’s chest.




later, jaejoong remembers the view of tokyo tower far off in the distance from the windows of the café in his dreams, and thinks that yoochun really does know him best after all.



~



jaejoong goes traveling.

that’s the official reason anyway. yoochun gives him a knowing look as he drops jaejoong off at the airport, and jaejoong throws his arms around yoochun and squeezes. they both know why jaejoong needs to do this.



tokyo is just like seoul in some ways and yet nothing like it in others. there are still towering skyscrapers and businessmen in suits rushing to work, and the train station during rush hour is as efficiently crowded as always, but there are no dukbokki stands on the corner of the streets and it’s like the air itself feels different.

his japanese is lacking at best, and it makes navigating around the city a rather interesting experience. there’s also a lot more cafés in the vicinity of tokyo tower than he’d anticipated, but jaejoong vows to himself that he’s not going to give up, not until he finds him.

it’s time he chased after his dreams again.



~




kim jaejoong, the man says, hand held out. his bleached blond hair catches the sunlight as he smiles and yunho thinks that it suits him, hair and smile and all. it reminds him of another boy, another meeting, a long time ago.

(hyung, I want you to be happy.)

he grasps the offered hand, feels something catch in his chest as he returns the smile with one of his own.

jung yunho, he says. I’m glad to see you again.












yunho-yah, what were you doing in that café anyway?

I don’t know, but I think I was waiting for you.

fic started: August 17, 2009
fic finished: August 20, 2009